Calliope Writing


Graffiti Magazine Volume 1 Issue 19

Graffiti - Carolina Coastal Fair

Turkey Legs, Carnies, and Roller Coasters


When I was growing up, the fair was an annual event to pig out and ride rides.  Now that I’ve “grown up,” I realize that there are a lot more reasons to go to the fair.  But the food is still a huge attraction.  Corn dogs, turkey legs, fried candy bars, funnel cakes, elephant ears—I’m about to wet my pants just thinking about it (take that as you will).

 

The Coastal Carolina Fair gives all of us kids at heart an opportunity to scare the shit out of ourselves by riding some of the crazy rides.  My all-time favorite this year was the Mega Drop.  Imagine it:  you get lifted up off the ground a couple hundred feet (sue me if I’m exaggerating) and get dropped.  It was F-ing awesome.  My rump got lifted out of my seat, we were falling so fast.  My first reaction after walking off the ride was:  “Let’s do it again!”  But not everyone enjoys rides like I do.  Some have testy stomachs and end up vomiting.  I was lucky enough to witness one such event.  One of the ride’s attendants ran towards the mess with a bucket of water and ending up falling right on his ass.  This provided laughter for at least a good half hour.

Maybe I was laughing so much because of the beers I shot-gunned before leaving my home for the fair.  Or maybe it’s just my amazing sense of humor.  You decide.

Now that I’m an “adult” (note the quotation marks), the carnival is an opportune time for me to make fun of other people.  Sure, it sounds heartless, but it provides me with hours of entertainment.  It is a scientific fact (or should be) that the fair attracts the weirdest kinds of people.  I counted about a dozen mullets (and good ones, too), and I couldn’t even tell you how many people were wearing their camouflage.  I didn’t realize they allowed hunting at the carnival.

But they do allow fair-goers to buy cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and the like.  The agricultural area of the carnival was another way for me to feel like a kid again and pet some fuzzy animals.  I never realized until this year how large cow’s poop is.  It made my butthole hurt just looking at it.  I also got to see a newborn goat hopping around the pen, happy to be out of his mother’s womb.  It was pretty cool.

But not as cool at the sideshow acts.  Wow.  You want to see the world’s smallest woman? How about the world’s smallest horse or a man-eating snake?  Oh, yes.  Check out the carnival.

Last but not least, the highlight of each year’s fair for this writer is the group of carnies.  I get a special kind of joy listening to them rattle into their microphones, trying to persuade me to waste money on their games in hopes of winning a prize.  And I never tire from guessing how many cigarettes they must smoke in one evening.

If you missed out on the fair this year, be sure to check it out next year for the kid and sick adult inside you.  Check out www.coastalcarolinafair.org for more info.


Graffiti - Spirit Line Cruise
Girl on the Town:  Spirit Line Dinner Cruises

 



 

Tired of the same old evening out at a smoky, crowded, noisy bar with your significant other?  Ready to have a kick ass time and a good chance of getting laid by your date after the evening is over?  Check out Spirit Line dinner cruises.

In fact, all of the food was knock-me-over-the-head and get-me-another-stomach-to-fill-up-on good.  We started out with the best nutmeg and sherry-laced She-Crab Soup I have had as of yet in the Lowcountry and moved on to the “SpiritLine Salad” that featured yummy chunks of bleu cheese.  You get a choice of five entrees that each sound and taste magnificent.  Be sure to tell your date to get something different so that you can pick off of each other’s plate (this is also a good starting point for foreplay—feeding each other and whatnot).  My all-time favorite is the Beef Tenderloin plate.  What can I say?  I love cow meat.  And it was cooked to perfection—tender and pink on the inside:  medium-rare, how a steak should be cooked.

Besides the food, the ambiance of the entire yacht is awesome.  There are two decks where dinner is served.  On each deck, there is musical entertainment and a bar.

The observation deck was the highlight of the evening for me.  The servers intentionally spread each course apart from the other so that the diners have time to drink, fool around on the boat, and check out the sights from the observation deck.  Towards the end of the three-hour long cruise, we traveled underneath the Ravenel Bridge.  It was pretty cool, especially after driving on it so many times.  It was a great moment to appreciate the beauty of the mammoth structure and also that of the Lowcountry’s scenery.

Enough of the touchy-feely stuff. On to the booze.  I was very impressed with the extensive wine list.  I’m a red wine fan, and I fell in love with the Rodney Strong cabernet sauvignon.  It was smooth and didn’t have that bitter, acidic aftertaste that a lot of red wines can have.  They also carried liquor and, of course, my favorite:  beer.

The dinner cruises run nightly during the on-season; be sure to contact for availability during the off-season.  During the week (Sunday through Thursday for those of you not acquainted), the cost is $43.95 per person; Fridays and Saturdays, it’s $48.95 per person.  Tax, gratuity, and dessert are not included in these prices, so be sure to bring a little more—especially for dessert!  Their pumpkiny, spicy cake tasted like autumn and was killer.

Looking for something to do New Year’s Eve with that “special someone”?  Call up SpiritLine and ask about their cruise that evening.  I’m told it includes a surf-n-turf dinner, a midnight toast, and lots of dancing.  For more information, go to www.spiritlinecruises.com.


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